The jewish game of dating

Dating is truly a game, like a sportsman, the dater relies on timing, chances and skill. The Thierry Henri's of the dating world pocess these attributes, and make the game look easy, but for the third division players, it is hard work: When presented with the ball, they kick it upfield towards the goal, and on a good day hit the post, but will rarely score. The Henri's and third division players were out in force at the 'JDate' event last night, and blimey, the standard between them strikers was vast.
I was greeted by potential date number one, and the own goal was scored in the opening minute...He explained that he met a girl through the JDate service, they got engaged, but are no longer together. The second and third own goals were quickly scored, and I made my excuses and ran down the field to join the other players. After a slow start, I found my rhythm, and by midnight, the nice men were striking thick and fast. I have youth on my side, but those singletons who have been in the lower leagues for the last ten years are now tired, jaded and disillusioned with this universal mating game.

The same old questions surfaced, such as where are you from? what do you do? how kosher are you? and when did you last go to synogogue? All of my answers were pretty unsatisfactory, I live in the Jewish Finchley Ghetto, I am unemployed, have pork on Fridays and play Tennis on Saturday mornings. The key skill in dating is charm, and I have enough of that to score a few goals. By 1am, however, I was tired of sounding interesting, and was starting to empathise with the girl who decided to 'marry out' after attending this event: I am not that resigned yet, being one of the youngest girls in the room, it was refreshing to think that I still have time left on the clock... although the clock's face does not stop ticking, she occasionly winks and smiles at me, knowing that one day her alarm will sound...